V: JUSTIN DREW

Read Justin Drew's Bio HERE

Read Susannah Miller Stockton's bio HERE

A PG-13 version of Justin's story is HERE at The Sims Resource, or for the more 'adult' telling, you can find it at Thunder Valley Book I, amongst the 36 chapters. An invite only blog. See down the right hand side of this blog on how to contact me for an invite.

I cannot thank Cheripye enough for the generosity of sharing 'Dyer' with me. Dyer is...to die for. I slapped him on the list, that man is getting a story!! LOL! Cheers, mate!

Warnings: Sexual suggestions, nothing too graphic, ( at least, not to me)
a few naughty words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin Drew has not had it easy, despite his physical attributes and clever mind. A Veteran of the Civil War, Justin carries scars far deeper than he shows outwardly. A callous womanizer, all that changed when he met Susannah Miller Stockton. Now at last married, it seems they will both face more challenges, will they be stronger when all is said...and done?


Justin Drew came out at the crack of dawn to see them off. Morgan Derry, his foreman for the past 3 years, and the woman Morgan just married, Terri Blake, ex-prostitute.
They both had stuck it out, working without pay a lot of the time. Helping he and his wife Susannah.
Now they were leaving. Heading east, Morgan wanted to see his estranged kids before they got any older, could not blame the man.
But Justin knew the real reason. Justin's ranch/farm was in its death throes.
And the failure was all on him.

Justin had to let the other ranch hands go three weeks ago. Morgan stayed on without pay. Finally, selling the last of his horses at a discount, Justin had enough to pay Morgan, settle up. The man deserved it for sticking it out this long. A long argument ensued, but Justin finally convinced the man to take what was owed to him.

Morgan and Terri had grown close the last two years. Terri had worked for Susannah's father, then came with Susannah when the ranch was turned over to Silas Miller. Charlie Miller froze out his remaining children in his will. Typical. With the small pittance Susannah inherited, she and Justin bought this property on the outskirts of Thunder Valley. They had big plans. All for naught.

Well, Terri and Morgan were married now. Terri refused to be married by the Reverend Wilson, she would not give a reason, so Luke Tyrell, lawyer, Justice of the Peace, performed the nuptials for them. Now they were leaving. Susannah said her good-byes last night. She hated good-byes.

"I am so damned sorry it didn't work out." Justin said quietly. "I do wish you both all the best, and thank you for your hard work and dedication these last few years. You are fine, honorable friends, and Susannah and I wish you the best."
Terri choked back a sob, Morgan and Justin exchanged warm handshakes.

Morgan snapped the reigns and yelled out, "Yee-Hah", and they started to head through town and points eastward. With one final wave, Justin headed through the gate back onto his property.

He looked at the huge ranch house, just who was he kidding? He was no rancher or farmer, he was raised well-to-do on a horse farm in Kentucky. He never got his breeches dirty if he could help it. Then he went and joined the Union Army at 17. After that, a gentleman gambler, drifting all over the country. What did he know of ranching? Or working for a living, for that matter?

He stopped at the looked at the house. They were reckless. At his insistence, they used every last dime of Susannah inheritance to buy the property, build the too-large house and out-buildings. Buy stock. They were in over their heads from the get go. But Susannah said nothing. Going along with whatever Justin proposed. Guess she assumed I knew what the fuck I was doing, Justin thought to himself.

Should have left it in Susannah's hands. She ran her father's ranch for over a year. Made a tidy profit, too. Now look what I have brought her to, wretched poverty.
A house they were going to fill with children. After 4 years of marriage, there were none. Another failure on his part, no doubt.

That is how Susannah found him, sitting on the bench in the dining room, morose, feeling sorry for himself. No use railing on him over it, actually, she had to admit, he gave it a go. Put his sweat and blood into the place. They both did. It was just...bad luck.

One thing after the other. The blight that attacked their crops and no one else. The blackleg disease that wiped out their cattle. The horses wouldn't breed, and when they did, the foals were stillborn.
Maybe the place was cursed.

And she, had not gotten pregnant. Not from a lack of trying. As tired and exhausted as they were every night, they managed to find time to be together. Justin was...was an amazing man, in all ways. She now understood the reputation he had, rake, bounder, womanizer. She could understand why a woman would want him in her bed. She closed her eyes and sighed just thinking about him, being in his arms.

But it was not only his obvious physical attributes. She loved him, deeply.
This emotionally damaged man, haunted still from the Civil War. How many nights did she hold him close when he woke up in a cold sweat, reliving the battles of Antietam or Shiloh.
He still suffered from the ordeal of being shot in the saloon, the coma, being kidnapped by the mad woman, Amelia Jensen, and though he did not talk about it, Susannah guessed by some of his horrific dreams, that she probably violated him when he was helpless...in that coma. He says he does not remember, but his night terrors said different.

Susannah curled up on the bench next to Justin. He did not look up. "What are we going to do, Justin? Sell?" She whispered.

"We would lose money on it Susannah. It is not worth selling. No stock, no crops. No one would want it. Besides, then where would we go, take rooms at Luke's boarding house? No, at least here, for now, we have a roof over our heads." Justin paused and took a deep breath. "I thought maybe I should go back to gambling."

Susannah looked at her husband. We must be in a bad way for him to even consider it. She stood, and sat at his feet, laying her head in his ample lap. Justin reached down and began to stroke her hair tenderly. "Is there no other way? A loan? Perhaps Ethan..."

"Susannah, no bank would look at us, and you know your brother Ethan is in no position to lend us money. Even if I have lost everything, I have not lost my pride." Justin said quietly.
"You have not lost me, either." Susannah stood, taking Justin's hand, leading him upstairs to their bedroom.

This is where they could close off and forget the world, their many problems and worries. This was their private haven. Justin took off his shirt and threw it across the room.

Justin spent years mired in one meaningless affair and dalliance after another. So many women. He was skilled. Exceedingly so. One of the few things he excelled at, he thought sardonically to himself. But with Susannah, all he lived for was to please her, to love her. No one else.

Susannah became boneless in his arms. His hand reached around her neck, his long masculine fingers stroking her breasts, igniting heat that threatened to engulf them both.

After slowly undressing Susannah, he took her face in his hands. "I will have to go south, to the riverboats, that is where the money is, Susannah. The big money. Tens of thousands of dollars. I haven't played the Mississippi in years, but I have to try."

"Justin, take me with you...don't leave me here."

"It is no place for you, rogues and cheats and low-life's. Like me. I will travel faster alone. I will play some saloons on my way south, I will need a stake of 1000 dollars before I can even sit at those tables. I will make it up to you. I will win all the money we need, to start again."

Susannah fought back a sob, she hugged him close. "Is there no other way?" She whispered in his ear.

Christ, he felt like a failure. It had been close to five years since he sat at a poker table, since that night he was shot by that idiot that accused him of cheating. Did he still have it? He would make damn sure he did. This had to work. Or they were in deep, deep trouble.

Justin laid down on the rug, bringing Susannah down on top of him. He looked up at her, he felt his eyes growing moist. "Just love me, Susannah. Please. When you love me it goes away, the hurt...the pain..."
Never had he shown his inner most feelings to anyone, his vulnerabilities, his doubts. Never...until Susannah.

He sounded sad, forlorn. But the look on his face was full of tenderness. His eyes filled with dark desire. Oh, what was it about him that touched her so? From the very beginning. From their first meeting.
The thought of him going away filled her with dread for some reason. Would he slip back into that debauched lifestyle, forget all about her?


And later, he talked gently, of how much he loved her, her and no other woman, ever.

Susannah could not really say the same, that she loved Justin, and no other man, she loved her first husband, Nigel Stockton. But he was sick with consumption most of their few years of married life. He could not even make love to her that last year, he was so sick. A part of her would always love Nigel.

But Justin awoke something deep inside her, he made her feel like she was the most desirable woman in the world. Perhaps that was his skill, but with her, she knew his words and actions spoke of truth...love. The fury and fire of his need, was matched by her own. She did not know she possessed it, not until Justin. She loved him more than she thought capable of ever feeling. She would relish this time together...love him...before he left her.

It was almost a month since Justin left, Susannah had been staying with her brother Ethan and his family. She did not like the thoughts of her ranch house sitting empty. She got a wire from Justin 2 days ago, he had arrived and was on the 'Arkansas Belle' on the Mississippi River.

He managed to wire her close to 100 dollars, so he must have made some money along the way. Susannah immediately paid some of the many overdue bills in town, and kept a little aside. She had a plan.

Her brother Ethan came out to sit beside her. "Please listen to me Ethan...I appreciate all you and Deerina have done for me, but I want to go home. With the money Justin sent, I can buy some seed, perhaps a horse. Try and start again. Maybe...maybe if you could lend me just a little, I can start breeding a few horses, plant some crops." Susannah took a deep breath. "I want to try and get the place back on its feet just a little, before Justin comes home."

Ethan looked out over his property. He exhaled. "Susie, I don't have anything to really lend you, I am stretched pretty thin."
He heard his sister sigh. Her voice was shaking.

"Listen, I have a man I hired not 5 months ago, Obediah Foster. He is working in my saloon, but he would be better served if he helped you out during the day. He is a cowboy, one look at him will tell you that. I will continue to pay his salary, but he will work for you. Also, I can lend you enough to buy a couple of horses, but that is all I have. I am sorry."

Susannah's face lit up. "Oh Ethan that would be such a help!"
"Look I don't like the idea of you being out there alone, Foster can stay in your bunkhouse if you want. I trust him. So can you. I know you sis, I can't talk you out of this can I?" Ethan smiled.

"No brother dear, you can't." Susannah laughed.
Riley Miller had come out onto the veranda. He was watching his Aunt Susie. She was so pretty. He liked having her here.

Riley stepped forward. "Aunt Susie, I can come out and help you at your ranch, I will do anything you want! I'm strong! I know lots! I help pa all the time, don't I pa?"
Ethan smiled. "You sure do son. You are a big help."

Susannah was genuinely touched. What a darling boy Riley was, in spite of who his mother was, that wretched Madeline. A sharp pain of longing went through her, how she wanted to give Justin a son. Like Riley.

She bent down and gave him an affectionate kiss. "My dear, I will have you out to spend the day with me real soon, and you can show me all you know. And you can stay for supper and I will make your favorite meal, and if your father lets you, you can stay overnight."
Riley laughed. "I can't wait! Soon?"
Ethan smiled. "Go in the house Riley, see if your mother needs your help."

Ethan could not help but be concerned. First he was livid at Justin for leaving his sister, until he heard what bad shape they were in. He had no idea, until Justin took him aside and explained. How awful for them both.
They had worked so hard, and for what?
He could see the worry clearly etched on his sister's face. He would do what he could, Foster helping out would be a start.

A couple of weeks have passed, and Susannah is back at her ranch house. She was shocked to see what condition the house got in the month she was at Ethan's. But she scrubbed and cleaned and made it presentable. Really, the house was huge. She sank down on the sofa, exhausted, and began to nap. She heard the nicker of a horse enter the yard, was this Obediah Foster here already? She thought he was coming later in the day.

The door opened and the sound of spurs digging into her wood floor filled the room. Oh God. Her Uncle Silas Miller. She had not seen him in months. Her father's younger brother, and recipient of the Miller ranch. He filled her with such...loathing. Her younger half brother Shane must be in his teens now, and she had not seen him in 3 years. Silas kept a tight reign on him, as he did everyone under his domain. What did he want? A shiver went up her spine. She did not like the way he was looking at her.

Silas looked at his niece. Damn, but he found her desirable. That hair, it captured his fevered, lecherous thoughts from the first time he saw her at the will reading of his late brother Charlie. He wanted to bury himself in that hair, have it draped over him while she...A lascivious smile crept across his face. She was alone. He heard that gambler bastard left her high and dry. He was not surprised, one look at his face showed what kind of man he was. "Hello my dear, it has been awhile."
Susannah jumped from the sofa, to run upstairs, but she was not quick enough.

Silas grabbed her arm and spun her around, until she was back up against the wall. He pinned her there, with his body and his arms. "Where are you running? I just came to make a friendly call. You all alone here, darlin'? Maybe you would like the company of a real man." He pressed his hardened body up against her.
Susannah felt nothing but disgust. "You make me sick..." She spat.
"Oh? Maybe we should see just how much I can make you sick, niece or no." Silas growled.

In the meantime, Obediah Foster was making his way toward the Drew Ranch.
He agreed to help out Ethan Miller's sister, working outdoors with horses was more appealing than serving drinks in a smoke filled saloon. He was passing through Thunder Valley, and took the work he could find.
He was broke.

Obediah Foster...He hated that name...Obediah. Went by Dyer. He got only the barest facts from Ethan about his sister, Dyer knew the ranch was foundering, barely hanging by a thread. He knew what that was like.
Wasn't sure what he could contribute, but it was a job. And he would be doing something he loved...ranching.
He saw the ranch house off in the distance and gave a low whistle. Damn, the size of it!

Dyer no sooner walked up on the front porch and he heard a woman yelling. Bursting through the door, he grabbed the man and pulled him off the woman, he was trying to kiss her, against her will.

"Get out!" Susannah hissed, "And do not come here ever again!"
"You heard the lady, mister, hightail it out of here, now." Dyer snarled menacingly.

Silas looked from one to the other. Who was this, her new man? He had to give his niece credit, she did not let grass grow under her feet.
Silas laughed cruelly, touching the brim of his hat, he walked out.

Silas was barely off the front porch when Susannah began to sway on her feet. Her uncle...it was sick...disgusting...She felt her legs give out as she fainted.
Dyer caught her and scooped her up in his arms before she hit the floor. She was out cold.
Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do.
He looked at her face, my God, she was beautiful, as luminescent as a harvest moon, Dyer thought to himself.

It was early morning, everyone still abed, as the riverboat did not usually come to life until noon. He could not sleep, as usual.
At least since he left Susannah.
Without her in his arms every night, the occasional nightmares he used to get now were coming more often, and were more intense.
Damn, he missed her.
But he would have to stay here for a while yet, the tournament for the 10,000 dollar grand prize was three weeks off, enough time for him to get a 'read' on the other players.

Justin walked out through the double doors onto the deck, the fresh, moist early morning air hitting him in the face.
He could hear the 'thump-thump' of the paddle wheel hitting the water, it sounded like a heartbeat, keeping in time with his own. Above him, the huge smokestacks belched thick, black wood smoke deep from the Belle's boilers.
Must have been over a decade since he was on a riverboat.

A shrill whistle from the boat pierced the air, drowning out the gulls flying overhead.
Justin had a lot of time to think since he left the ranch. He decided he was a sorry excuse for a man. Could not even provide for his wife. Make the ranch work. Ger her pregnant. He thought briefly of the small daughter he had never seen that died in the smallpox outbreak. Careless bastard. Heartless too. Turned poor Catherine Copp away when she told him of her pregnancy. He thought Susannah's love could heal him. He supposed it did to an extent, but not enough.

Christ he loved her. He ached her for. Susannah kept him grounded. How could he function without her? Stay on the straight and narrow? He had to get back to her as soon as possible...or he would be lost.

Susannah awoke, how did she get to her bedroom...Oh lord, her head! It started to come back to her. Her miserable degenerate uncle...he tried to kiss her, on the mouth! Susannah felt her stomach lurch. She could still feel his disgusting body pressed against her, the horrible things he whispered in her ear with that stale whiskey breath of his. Her blood uncle.
Still. She could not believe she fainted, never in her life!

A deep baritone voice filled the room. "Howdy, Mrs. Drew, feeling better?"

Susannah gasped aloud, for a split second she thought it was her uncle, but the voice was too deep. Her uncle sounded like a weasel being shoved through a knot hole with a long stick.

She raised her head and looked across the bedroom. "Obediah Foster, Ma'am, but I would be obliged if you call me Dyer. Your brother sent me, seems I arrived just in time."
Susannah laid her head back on the pillow, of course, Ethan's cowboy. He certainly did arrive just in time.

Susannah swung her legs around, groaning slightly. What was wrong with her? Exhaustion, no doubt.
"Mr. Foster, I thank you for arriving when you did. I am sorry to say that was my uncle. Hopefully he will not be returning."

"Mrs. Drew, no need for you to get up, you just relax." Dyer stated firmly but politely.

Dyer stood and walked over to the foot of the bed. "No need to thank me, Ma'am. Your brother suggested I stay in the bunk house, under the circumstances, it seems like a good idea. What would you like me to get started on first?"

Susannah stared at the man. Never had she seen such eyes, a blue-green combination she had never seen before, they almost sparkled like jewels. He was entirely handsome, from the tip of his dusty, battered hat to his well-worn boots. He can be trusted, Ethan said. She hoped so.
"I have three horses in the barn out back, a stallion and two mares, could you see to them? Feeding and the like? The stallion needs a good run."

Dyer touched the brim of his hat. "I'll get right on it ma'am, you just lie and relax, don't worry about a thing."

By 10PM that night, Justin sauntered confidently into the lounge, taking a seat at a poker table. Already the predatory juices in his blood were pumping. These two men were going to be in the tournament. He wanted to play them, get a read on their 'tells'. One reason Justin was good at poker, he could read people, no matter how hard they tried to hide it. And he had become an expert at hiding his feelings. Cool and collected, at least at the poker table.

This was her domain. Her castle, where she ruled. Vivacious and mercurial, she attracted people and attention with little effort. Especially men.
She glided through the room, her red silk dress hugging every curve. Around her neck she wore a single large pearl that disappeared into her ample cleavage.
Her eyes narrowed as she spied the men at the center table. There was an empty chair. Good. She felt lucky tonight. And not just for games of chance.

She froze. It could not be HIM. Not after all these years.
Still darkly handsome, with that just-got-out-of-bed hair. A few lines around the eyes, but remarkably unchanged. He would be one of those men who aged with handsome distinction.
For a moment, she was flustered, but soon collected her thoughts and arranged the features on her face to be as neutral as possible.
How long had it been? 15 years? More? Damn him. Straight to a fiery hell.

"Do you mind if I sit, gentlemen?" She purred.
Justin barely glanced at her, the gray haired man smiled. "Lady Terrance, do join us." The man went around the table and introduced the other men.

It WAS him. Justin Drew. Well. Her lip curled ever so slightly. He did not recognize her, of course, she was not Lady Terrance back then, but Dixie Tallon. And she looked different, she had dark brown hair, had a little more weight on her.

The game went on for a few hours, with the players taking turns winning the hands, there was no clear leader. Justin barely gave the woman a look or a thought. All he could smell was the cloying, sickening sweet smell of magnolias. She must have drenched herself in cologne. She spoke only occasionally, and the speech was well modulated, as if she were trained. No doubt to hide some slattern southern accent, Justin surmised. He supposed she was attractive in a garish, brash way, perhaps in the past, he would have been tempted.
Not now.

Justin Drew was nothing if not charming. He kept the intermittent conversation light and brisk. Shuffling the cards with the greatest of ease. A born card sharp. The overhead chandelier gas light caught the gold wedding ring on his finger. Dixie raised an eyebrow. Justin Drew, married? Impossible, not that libertine.
After their brief, tawdry affair he left the riverboat. She imagined he continued his lascivious ways for years. The man was insatiable, if she remembered correctly. And she did remember, damn him.

The final pot for the night, it was intense, the bidding and raising heated. In the end, Justin did not win the pot. The young scoundrel sitting across from him greedily gathered the chips to him, laughing smugly.
In a rare show of emotion, Justin threw his arm in the air in frustration. He had just lost 800 dollars. Damn.


He had had enough. Though he lost money, he did learn some 'tells' from the other men. He would use it to his advantage the next time he played them, and in the tournament.
Shouldn't win every hand anyway, some might accuse one of cheating. That he did not need, not again.
Justin rose, saying his polite good-evenings, and left the lounge.

In his state room, Justin laid out the bills and gold coin he had managed to win the last several weeks on the end table. Even though he lost hundreds in that last hand, he still had a few thousand, more than enough for the entry fee.
He smiled slightly. He was more determined than ever to win that grand prize. 10,000 dollars would set he and Susannah up quite comfortably...for years. First, he would wire Susannah some more money.
A sharp rap on his door broke his thoughts. He quickly shoved the money in the drawer and locked it.

"Well, Justin Drew. It has been a long time." The woman whispered seductively.

Justin cocked an eyebrow. "You have the advantage over me, Lady Terrance. I was under the impression we just met at the tables."

"Why no darling. We know each other quite well, intimately in fact. Though it has been...15, 16 years? Why on this very boat! Of course, I was not married then. Dixie Tallon, darling, ring a bell? You certainly rang mine more than once."

Justin looked into the heavily painted face. Dixie. Christ, there were so many. 15 years ago? He was just a kid, out of the Union army.
"I see you are struggling to remember. Poor dear. So many women. I was the hostess here once. We had quite the torrid affair. Why, you even bent me over the railing on that very deck..."

"That's enough." Justin said roughly. "What do you want Dixie?"

"I do not go by that name any longer. I am married, to a British baronet. Changed my name to Lady Anna Terrance." She sniffed.
"And where is your peerage husband?" Justin questioned indifferently.
She gave a slight shrug. "England, I suppose. We live separate lives."

"I am here to tell you that you have a son Justin. Don't ask me where he is now, I gave him up to a foundling home as soon as he was born. The baronet would not marry me if I dragged along your bastard with me."

She looked at Justin's confused, skeptical face. "Surely this is no surprise, I am sure there are orphanages filled with your brats all up and down the Mississippi, and points west." She glanced down at his crotch. "With that equipment, it is no wonder." Dixie's voice crooned. She did not give Justin time to recover, she turned on her heel and left his room.

Janelle Fredericks, Susannah's best friend, stopped by for visit. She made herself at home, brewing a fresh pot of coffee and getting the cups.

Susannah saw the horse and buggy by the fence and recognized her dear friend. Flustered, Susannah hurried in. "Oh look at me, Janelle! If I knew you were coming..."
"Nonsense! You need a break! What were you doing?" Janelle questioned.
Susannah sighed. "Digging in the dirt. Planting carrots and beans."

She plunked down into the seat and took a sip of the hot coffee. "Oh, that tastes heavenly. How is Sam, and little Wyatt?"
Janelle smiled."Wyatt is a darling. And the apple of Sam's eye. And mine. Such a joy."
The women chatted in that easy way good friends do.

Dyer walked into the house, even in her work clothes, with dirt under her nails, Susannah was beautiful, He silently observed.

Susannah stopped talking, she could sense his presence. He was standing close to her, too close.
She mumbled an introduction to Janelle. Susannah could smell fresh air and sunshine, and hay. She could feel his eyes on her. He asked what she wanted done next.
Susannah gave him instructions.
Touching the brim of his hat, he sauntered out of the ranch house.

"Dear God Susie, that man is as handsome as I have ever seen! That voice! Like dark, sugared honey. He is staying here!? Those eyes! That body!"
"Janelle!!!" Susannah laughed.

"My dear, I may be happily married, but I am not dead! The man is to die for! What do you know about him?"

Susannah thought for a moment. Actually, she knew nothing. He certainly did not volunteer any information, and she did not ask. They really only saw each other at mealtimes, as they were busy the rest of the time.
But she had to agree with Janelle, Dyer was...to die for.

Later that afternoon, Dyer sought the solace of a hot bath.
Dyer Foster was a quiet man, always was. Did not see the need of a lot a words when only a few would do.
Did not like to talk about himself or his past either. He appreciated the fact both Ethan and his sister did not pepper him with probing questions as some people were ought to do.

Lowering himself in the hot water, his muscles almost groaned from the relief. He had been working himself far too hard. He felt bad for Susannah Drew and her situation. He could relate, having a failed ranch under his own belt. What man would leave his wife the way hers did? Ethan mentioned this Justin Drew was trying to earn some money. Guess he couldn't blame the man, still. If it were his wife, he would not leave her...not ever.

The sun had already begun to set, Susannah was filthy from head to toe, but she got the seeds into the ground.
She did not have the strength to cook anything else but flapjacks tonight, she hoped Dyer would understand.

Oh, but she had been tired lately. Every muscle ached, her back was killing her, all that bending. But things were starting to come together...slowly.
Justin had wired a little more money, it helped.

She went into the dining area and there was Dyer, waiting as he did every night. Susannah got a whiff of his sandalwood soap, he had had a bath, something she desperately needed. He always came to the dinner table freshly scrubbed.
She suddenly felt self-conscious of her own state of dishevel. She murmured an apology for the lackluster supper. She should be serving the man a hearty beef stew, biscuits. He worked so hard.

This is fine, Mrs. Drew." Dyer stated.
"Please Dyer, I asked you to call me Susannah. And I am going to town tomorrow, I have some eggs and butter to sell at the mercantile, I will get some some items I need, for a stew and such."

"Would you like me to accompany you...Mrs...I mean, Susannah?"

Janelle was right, his voice was like dark, sugared honey. That was all she needed, the old biddies were no doubt already talking about her alone out here with her ranch hand.

"No Dyer, thank you. I can manage. I will be visiting my brother as well. And I have other errands." Susannah looked down at the pancakes. She didn't feel well, but she forced herself to eat them.

They ate in silence for some time. Finally, Dyer said, "I think the mare, with the gold socks is with foal. If it is alright with you, I thought you might like the services of my horse for the other two mares. He comes from a good line."
It was the most she had heard Dyer speak in the few weeks he had been there. "That would be wonderful, Dyer, thank you."

Later, Susannah was outside looking at the stars twinkling in the sky above. "Oh Dyer, isn't it lovely?"
Dyer walked up behind her, standing closer than he ever had before. He reached out his hand, to place it on her arm, but he stopped. He dare not touch her.
She was married. Out of his reach. Not for him.
"Yes, lovely." he murmured. He was not speaking about the star-filled sky, not at all.

Susannah turned and smiled at him, wishing him good-night. Walking toward the bunkhouse, he thought about his options. He should not stay here any longer. With each passing day he was drawn more to the lovely Susannah Drew. She was brave, strong...beautiful.
What excuse could he give his boss, her brother, Ethan Miller? Sorry, but I am attracted to your sister? Damn.

Dixie smiled slyly. Well, well. Justin Drew was indeed a surprise. She did not think he would come, he was here to ask about the child. Dixie did not think Justin Drew would give a damn.

But Justin did. He never forgot how he denied his child with Catherine Copp. And the poor girl's death. He had never seen her. The guilt lived with him still, twisting and rotting his soul. He would not make the same mistake again. If this child was his, he would find him, claim him. Not that he would be a child now, he would be close to 15 years of age. Or older maybe.

"Well? Talk Dixie. Where did you so callously dispose of your baby, my son?" Justin hissed.

"Don't be so judgmental. What was I going to do with some baby? And Sir Lyndon Terrance did not want children, his or anyone else's. He wanted a wife he could trot out a few times a year for appearances. You see, my husband prefers men, the younger the better. So he lives his life, I live mine. It is a happy arrangement all around."

Dixie walked over to Justin. "I also prefer young men, but you Justin...I never did forget." Her gloved hand trailed slowly downward. "You always were primed, amazing stamina and even more amazing equipment. But you know this. You cut quite a swath through the Mississippi Valley. You were talked about for years." Dixie began to touch Justin with feather light skill. "Oh my, still primed, still quite the specimen, aren't you darlin'?" Her accent slipped slightly.
Justin closed his eyes. Damn it all.

He walked away from her. It was not that he found her attractive, or that he even wanted her. He did not care at all. But he always was of an amorous nature. Some old wizened, dried apple-faced grandmother could touch him and he would respond. Damn his body.

"Tell you what darlin'..." Dixie continued. "You give me what I want, and I will tell you all you need to know to find your son." She licked her lips. "And you know what I want..."
Yeah, Justin knew. And it turned his stomach. Now he knew what a woman felt like who worked in a brothel. It was degrading. He was being used...again.

He was no better than a performing monkey. Touch his organ and he would dance to the organ grinder's tune.
In a couple of long strides, Justin grabbed Dixie and kissed her deeply.
He could act with the best of them. It served him well at the poker tables and in women's beds before. He could do it again, pretend. Put on a show.
Dance, monkey, dance.

They laid on the bed, sweat glistened on their naked bodies. Dixie was thoroughly sated. He was everything she remembered. She wanted more. Much more.
She laid her arm possessively over his broad muscular back. He was beautiful, no man should have long lashes like that, his skin, touchable, lush. Her hand traveled slowly up his muscular arm, it sent chills through her body. "I am ready to go again, darlin', I am sure you are..." She purred.

Justin's eyes snapped open. "Listen to me Dixie, and listen close. You got what you wanted. There will be no more. I want the name of that foundling home and any other information. You had better not lead me on some merry chase, or by God I will hunt you down to the shores of England if I have to and snap that pretty neck of yours, in front of your aging paederast Baronet husband. Now, are you telling me the truth?" Justin hissed in a low, deadly voice.

Dixie stopped stroking his arm. "Yes. There was no one else but you, I did not need anyone else. Those 5 months, you were the only man in my bed. The child is yours. Your name is on the birth certificate."

Susannah no sooner got upstairs and she ran for the bathroom, the flapjacks did not even get a chance to digest, she brought them straight up. It was horrid. She wiped her mouth, her throat was burning from the acid. God. this was the third time she had been sick this week!

She flushed the commode. They were one of a few in the area with indoor plumbing, Justin had insisted, only the best. Right now, she was glad he did, she did not relish being on her knees in an outhouse at the moment.

Susannah rinsed her mouth, wiped a cold cloth over her face. She looked in the mirror. Dark circles under her eyes. She couldn't be...not after 4 years of trying? She counted backward...it had to have been his last days here. Where they did nothing but...oh my. Not now. A baby.

Her emotions were in knots. She would go see Dr. Eliza Corbett tomorrow when she went to town to see for sure. Oh Justin...should she write him? He had so much to deal with, the tournament was later next week. She would wait, she might not even be with child.
But she knew she was.

Back in his state room, Justin took a long hot bath, scrubbed his skin raw to get the touch and smell of Dixie off him. He was thoroughly disgusted with himself.

But he got the information he needed. And as soon as the tournament was over, he was off to Baton Rouge. God knows where the boy was now, he could have been adopted years ago, with a new family. The kid probably would not appreciate some stranger showing up at his door. But Justin could not let it go. Not again. One way or another, however long it took, he was finding his son.

Justin sunk into the plush chair. Susannah. He would have to write her, and tell her...everything. He cheated on her. When he swore to her when they married he would never take another woman to his bed. What kind of man was he? Being a man meant hard work, facing down trouble when it came, loving one woman, protecting and providing for a family. He had done none of those things. He was weak, he knew that, Susannah was the strong one, not him.

He best prepare himself for the fact Susannah may not want him to come home, after he told her what he did. He could keep it to himself. But he carried enough shit in his soul. And he did not want to lie to Susannah. He would fess up, take the consequences. It is what a real man would do. An honorable man. It was time to start being that man.

Over a week had passed, and Susannah found out that very afternoon from Dr. Eliza Corbett that she was indeed expecting a baby. Over the initial shock, she began to warm to the idea. It would mean a fresh start for her and Justin. Perhaps this child, created from their deep abiding love, would turn things around for the ranch.

She just had to finish the dishes, then she would go upstairs and read the letter in her apron pocket. Justin had sent it special delivery! It couldn't be about the poker tournament, that was in 2 days time. Her curiosity was getting the best of her, but she would wait. When she could relax with a cup of coffee and take her time. The envelope felt thick.

She read it three times, just to be sure what she was reading. She let it drop to the floor. How could he. She knew it, she knew he did not have the strength to stay faithful. Those women on those riverboats...he had told her what it was like. And to confess it, in a letter. He made no excuses, did not even say why he sought out another woman's bed. Only it happened the once, like that made it alright.

She felt her heart shrivel in her chest. She knew what he was, emotionally damaged, weak. She thought she could change him, that her love could change him.
Apparently it was not enough. Would it ever be?

And these revelations, of a...son? A teenager! He was going to find him. God know how long that would take. What if that woman was lying, to get back at Justin for some perceived slight? Susannah surmised this was the woman he bedded, though he did not say. They had a past. Met up again on the riverboat.

How could he. Even if he was tempted...Susannah thought of Dyer Foster. Sure, she was tempted. A slow burn ignited in her gut. She could get revenge, walk out to the bunk house right now, she had seen the way Dyer had been looking at her, she chose to ignore it. Why should she? If Justin could tumble into bed with some woman and not give it a second thought...

Dyer lit the pot bellied stove in the bunkhouse, there was a slight chill tonight, or maybe it was him. He was staying the in foreman's rooms, at one time there must have been 6-7 men working and living in this bunkhouse. How did it go wrong?

But Dyer knew it didn't take much, a failed crop, a sick cow, it could all turn on a silver dollar. Ranching and farming was a rough business, up one year, down the next. Hard, back breaking work, from dawn until dusk.
His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Who could that be?

He stepped out into the hall, and there was Susannah Drew. Had something happened? She looked sad, vulnerable.

He was built, utterly handsome and muscular, Susannah thought to herself. The bunk house seemed smaller somehow with him in it.
And warmer. Much warmer.
And it wasn't the fire crackling to life in the pot-bellied stove, but the fire roaring to life inside her, just by looking at him.

Dyer did not move. He shouldn't be standing in front of her like this, his trousers undone, his shirt off, but he didn't care. "Is there something wrong Susannah?"

She shook her head, maybe too quickly. He held out his arm and motioned to his room. She hesitated for a moment, then walked slowly, her head down, as if to hide her emotions.
Dyer did not hide his. He desired her, plain and simple.

He walked up behind her, and gently put his arms around her, slowly leaning her back against his body. At first, she did not react. then her hands reached up to grip his arms, she pulled his arms in close against her. Dyer could feel the rise and fall of her breasts.

He closed his eyes. Oh God, he wanted her, in his arms, his bed. He had not been with a woman in...a long time.
They stayed like that for several moments, Susannah at last, stepped away from the rugged, solid warmth of his body.

A single tear trickled down her cheek. Oh, she was so tempted. He was a handsome man, but she sensed a quiet honor about him. Something Justin did not have. At this moment, it made Dyer all the more appealing, and desirable.

He reached up and gently wiped the tear from her flushed cheek. "Stay. I think of you every minute, hear your voice in my heart..."

Oh God...she couldn't. She should have never came out here. "I am sorry, Dyer. I can't. I want to...but I love my husband. Forgive me, I...I..." With every bit of strength she possessed she backed away.

Susannah walked back to her house. She did not look back. She could have had her revenge. She knew looking into Dyer's eyes he would have been a giving, gentle lover. She would have liked it very much. Perhaps loved it.

But she was strong. Stronger than Justin. She always would be, she had to accept it. But she loved him...still. Even after his infidelity. Justin begged her forgiveness in his letter. He wanted to come home. After he found his son. He was just waiting on her word.
She had to think long and hard and decide if she was going to give it.

Justin arrived to the outskirts of Baton Rouge to the Blundon Home for Abandoned Children. He winced outwardly at the name, but he supposed they were calling a spade a spade. His insides were fluttering madly. There was no chance the boy would still be here, and a lot of these places kept lousy records.
Nevertheless, Justin approached the man and explained he was looking for his son. The man went to the cabinet and came back with a ledger. "Yes, a baby boy was dropped off here by a woman during the time you claim, she gave us his birth certificate." The man squinted at the page. "Mother, Dixie Tallon...father Justin Drew..."

"I am Justin Drew." Justin said quietly.

"Well sir, I cannot just take your word for it, I need proof. You are fortunate the birth certificate was left, a lot of babies are left here with no name, no other means of identification." He sniffed.

"If I had even known of the boy I would have been here sooner. What became of him?"


"You are in luck. He is here." The man stated.
"All these years, he was never adopted??" Justin stated incredulously.

"Oh he was fostered out a few times...they always brought him back. Headstrong boy. Would not even try to fit in to his new homes. He just turned 15 last month. We were going to keep him here until he turned 16, then, he would be on his own as stated by the law."

Justin's heart tightened. Christ, what a life the kid had. He passed the papers to the man.
He motioned to a door. "Down that hall, room 4. You can't miss him, he is the tallest kid of the bunch. Probably alone anyway. His name is Joshua...Josh Drew."

Justin walked into Room 4, it was like a dormitory, with a row of 8 beds. Sparse furnishings, but the place seemed clean. The man was right, a solitary boy was sitting on a chair. His head was down. The boy was very tall for his age, looking far beyond his 15 years. But Justin remembered he was almost 6 feet tall at 16 himself. He could not see his face, but Justin knew. He felt it. He was his.
Might as well just come out with it. "Josh...my name is Justin Drew. I...I am your father."

Josh got out of his chair. He looked at the man identifying himself as his father, then turned away. No. How long had he dreamed of someone...anyone coming to take him away from this place, his family. His real family. Josh felt tears start to burn in his eyes.

"Josh, please turn and look at me. I speak the truth. I did not know you existed until a few weeks ago. Believe me when I tell you I would have been here sooner, had I known." Justin said quietly.

Josh turned at started at the man claiming to be his father. "And what of my mother? Mr. Clareton told me she was the one who left me here. Was she a whore? And you, her customer? I was an accident, an unwanted mistake!"

"We met on a riverboat, we did not know each other for long. She did work as hostess on the boat. I was...a gambler. I moved on, had no idea she was with child. We did not have contact again until recently." Justin explained.

"My mother is still alive? Why didn't she come and get me???" Josh yelled.

Justin shrugged. "I am sorry, I do not know why." Justin did, but he was not going to hurt the kid and tell him his mother did not want him, pure and simple. "Josh, What can I say? I was young, careless. But I am here now, and I want you to come home with me. I live in the Black Hills, in the Dakota Territory, I have a ranch, such as it is. I am married. I want to give you a home. Let me make it up to you."

"Josh, why don't we take this step together? I cannot offer you much, the ranch is not in good shape, but maybe we can work it together. Take a chance, Josh. Come with me." Justin urged.

Where else did he have to go? Sit here and wait until he turned 16, then they kicked him to the street? His father. Well...it was better than nothing. "Alright Mr. Drew. I will come with you."

Justin's heart soared. "Call me Justin. I will make the arrangements. You won't be sorry."
His son. Damn.

Justin and Josh arrived at the ranch a few weeks later. When Justin went to the telegraph office in Baton Rouge, there was a wire waiting for him from Susannah, with two words, 'Come home.'
That was all the invitation he needed. They took the train to Deadwood, hired a couple of horses for the last leg of the trip.

Susannah looked at the boy...young man really. Oh yes, he was Justin's, she could see it, the eyes. A brief introduction, and Justin motioned for Josh to go in the house.

Justin dropped to his knees and laid his head gently against the small bump. "You didn't write me, why? A baby...Susannah..."
"You had enough to deal with Justin. What about the tournament?"

Justin exhaled. "Oh...that. I lost. But I did manage to clear over 3500.00. Enough to pay the rest of the bills and try and start again. Can we start again Susannah? Can you forgive me? Forgive a weak man who loves you more than life?"

Susannah reached down to stroke his wavy, thick hair. "It may take awhile Justin, but I am willing to try and forgive. I would like to start again. I love you, surely you know that."

Justin held her close. He held everything that was most dear in his life, he vowed he would never let her go.
Her promise of forgiveness was more than he deserved. He listened as she spoke about the ranch, how Ethan had helped, and a man of Ethan's, Dyer Foster. Foster was already was back at Ethan's saloon.
First thing tomorrow he would head into town and give his thanks to both men.
Then he would start to become that honorable man Susannah deserved, regain her trust.
And be a father to Josh and this baby growing inside her. And never cease to marvel how a damaged, cynical and arrogant man was led to peace and love and contentment by this astounding woman.


~THE END~

BONUS SHOTS

Here is Wade Drew, Justin and Susannah's son. Yes. More Boys. I can't believe it. No one is having girls!!

Wade posing with older half-brother Josh. Both boys look more like their mothers than Justin! But both boys have his eyes and hair color!

Coming Soon~ The 'Cattle' Drive

Have a great Summer, back the end of August~ will update after that.